Kiddy-fiddlers, wife-stealers and thieves. Why so many pastors mess up.

God, us blimmen Christians don’t seem to have the courage to talk about this, but how come so many of those super-pastors we were told to look up to ended up being kiddy-fiddlers, wife stealers, thieves, and liars?

Who told you to look up to them?

Well, sometimes it was they themselves who told us, or they insinuated it at least. I suppose that’s a clue right there?

You’re getting warm.

Ok, sometimes it was church elders who were actually supposed to be the pastor’s bosses, but ended up being their fawning servants instead. Other times it was the junior pastors, whose wives the senior pastors were busy stealing.

Not pretty.

I don’t know about that, God, I imagine the wives were fairly pretty. I imagine that was the problem. The pastors couldn’t keep it in their pants when around other men’s pretty wives, or their hands to themselves when around their kids 

Did you ever buy into that?

What, stealing other people’s wives and touching their kids??

No, you know what I mean! Did you buy into the idolise-the-pastor culture?

NO! You know the answer to that! I felt a bit bad about it, but to be honest I just couldn’t be bothered, it seemed too childish.

Very childish. I quote; “To what shall I compare this generation, it is like children…”

Well, look, God, there are actually some pastors who I count as mates, I like them, but I could never worship them. Pastors aren’t anything special, any more than us company directors are.

Really, are you sure about that?

Definitely! I mean pastors, some of them at least, can be nice enough, but generally no more special than your average bloke – so how come so many of the really powerful ones from back when ended up paedophiles and wife stealers?

It’s wasn’t just ‘back when’, Mark, it still happens, and will continue to do so until you Christians understand the cause. The real problem with pastors is that, as you put it, they’re just average blokes.

God, no, I’m sorry, but I don’t buy that. The average blokes I know don’t fiddle with kids, and most of them don’t steal other people’s wives.

That’s not my point, Mark. The problem is they are just average blokes, no more spiritual, no more able to hear my voice than the next guy, but you silly Christians make them out to be special. Average blokes can’t deal with being made into heroes; it goes to their heads. Absolute power corrupts absolutely!

So what are we supposed to do?

Do what you tell your own children.

What?

You tell them to think about their actions. You should do a bit of that too.

?

Think about your actions, use your brains. If you want your pastors to stop destroying themselves and others, stop making them into something they’re not.

Something they’re not?

In charge — they’re not supposed to be. The person who hears my voice for others — they’re not supposed to be that either.

What are they supposed to be then?

That’s a good question — about time someone asked that one.