Annoying ‘Jesus Habits’
I’m always embarrassed to call you Jesus because of all the BS that surrounds your name.
BS?
You know, all the terrible things we do in your name. All our nasty ‘Jesus Habits’. It was only a few hundred years ago we were killing people who didn’t go to the right church – protestant vs catholic, that sort of thing. Now we’re more tolerant of other churches — but the way we treat ‘unbelievers’ is terrible. We put all our ‘Jesus Habits’ before our friends and family.
‘Jesus Habits’?
You know what I’m talking about. Going to church instead of having coffee with our unchurched wives and husbands. Prayer meetings instead of having our unchurched friends around for tea. Church and Religion become our social hub and we cease to be able to relate to the normal world.
Aaah, ‘Jesus habits’.
Yes, as if you didn’t know. They must drive you mad! And, God, they give you a bad name. ‘Jesus Habits’ are particularly embarrassing
But is it me you’re concerned about?
Well, no, not just you – it’s all of us, really. Religion gives us all a bad name. It makes us look retarded. We can’t laugh at the things we used to laugh at (not in public anyway, although we do when no one’s watching). And we can’t enjoy the company of our old friends. We’re told they’re ‘worldly’ and ‘sinful’ and headed for hell. And because of that we make damned sure they can’t enjoy our company.
How so?
You know how so, God. You must see it all the time.
I do but elaborate. Talking about a problem helps solve it.
Well, we make ourselves a complete pain in everyone’s ass. We can’t just be their friends anymore. We’re told we have to stop them sliding into hell and we either drive them crazy with it – or we push them away by ignoring them and becoming obsessed with service to ‘The House’.
We live for ‘The House’ and not for the people we love — which of course makes them even less interested in you. They see the way we put the organisation before them and it makes them even less interested.
Do you blame them?
No! That’s my point. We’re told this mad story that you, God, love them and are weeping daily over their sinful life – a life which in most cases is pretty innocent, a life we used to enjoy with them (family, work, leisure) but the story we get told now is that their life has somehow become evil and if they continue it, you, God, (even though you love them dearly) are going to make sure they spend forever being tortured in a way that even Hitler wouldn’t have dreamed of.
What do you propose?
I don’t propose anything. I’d rather have nothing to do with it. But I will say this; if people really are going to slide into hell unless we make complete dicks of ourselves and go on and on about ‘giving their lives to Jesus’ — then I guess there’s no alternative.
But it would be great if we could just enjoy our old friends, our unchurched wives and husbands and kids, and stop judging them. In my teens I gave my siblings and parents such a hard time about how they were going to hell if they didn’t give their lives to Jesus, that now, forty years on, they’re still wary of me. I blame myself and those who taught me all that nonsense…
The people who taught you didn’t know any better.
Fine, but my family are still nervous I’m going to pick up all those ‘Jesus Habits’ again, and begin harassing them like I used to. You can’t blame them.
I don’t blame them at all. I understand exactly how they feel. They still love you though.
Yes, but that’s the point. Us Christians get taught that because we’re ‘saved’, our love is much more pure than anyone else’s. Apparently, the ‘love’ that makes us drive everyone else batty with evangelism, is the only true love. We get told that everyone else’s love is tainted and ‘worldly’.
Yes, well, we could talk about this for a long time.
You want to?
Not now, no. I’d rather actually talk about you. You’re much more interesting than all the silly things people do in my name. Life isn’t about me, it’s about you. That’s how it is when you’re God. Your life is about everyone else, not about you. My life is about enjoying humans, not trying to engineer them into conforming with a particular belief, not sending them to eternal torture. Why, for goodness sake, would I ever consider such a thing? I mean really?
